October 29, 2008

Proof that God does miracles...

I know that this is a long post, but I pray that for those of you that haven't been glued to the MckMama blog on my blog ticker that you will read this whole post and see what God has done and is doing in this little baby's life! IT IS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!


Big Mac, MckNugget and Small Fry joyfully announce that they now have another brother!!

Our long-awaited little MckMuffin has finally arrived...

entered the world this sunny fall morning
at 10:19 am, CST
weighing 6 pounds, 10 ounces
and measuring 19 inches long

As you can imagine, there is a lot going on here at the hospital. Please thank God with us that little Stlellan is here and be in prayer for these first hours of his precious life.
Align Center
The NICU attended the birth--which went very smoothly--and Stellan is with the NICU team now. MckMama is recovering and, in spite of a pretty low blood pressure, is feeling well. She has seen Stellan only briefly, but Prince Charming has been back and forth between her and baby Stellan. When she is stable, she'll be wheeled on her bed down to see their new baby.

Details on exactly how Stellan is doing as well as photos of the sweet baby will be forthcoming. But, let's just say that Stellan got a 9 and a 9 on his APGARS and the NICU team has yet to find a single thing wrong with him...

Happy birthday, sweet Stellan. You are God's miracle to us and you are finally here!!!!


Monday, July 28, 2008

be still and know that He is God

"I am so sorry to have to tell you such shitty news," the wonderful, kind perinatologist bent down, held my hand and put her other on my tummy. "I don't think your baby is going to make it. He is in heart failure and it's way too soon to take him out and give him a pacemaker. He would need to make it to 32 weeks and there is a 95% chance he will make it no where close to that point. I am so, so sorry to tell you this, but your sweet, sweet baby will probably be still born. I am so sorry."

Please pray for a miracle. Please pray for that 5% to belong to our baby. Be still and know that He is God.

I don't want to write this.

I have been staring at this blank post for over 45 minutes.

I still don't know what to write. I don't want to write a darned thing. I feel like I hate this stupid blog and I hate the fact that I have had to give good, then bad, then good, then bad news, then good news. I don't want to tell you bad news again. I feel like if I don't say it, maybe it won't be true. It's like a rollercoaster that I want to get off of. I feel like I don't want to drag you all on this ride with me. I don't want to write what I am about to write. I do not want this to be a pity party for me. I am tempted to turn the comments for this post off. But I won't; I know you will all have wonderfully, uplifting, supportive things to say to me that I would miss out on if I did. But I am still tempted. Because this sucks and I don't want to write this.

But I am going to. I am going to write it because we are going to need the support. I am going to write it, even if writing it makes it seem more real. The fact is, this is real, and I am going to have to deal with it and I am going to need support so I can keep relying solely on God. I am going to write it, eve though it sucks.

MckMuffin has almost complete heart block. And mild bradycardia. These two together are nearly always fatal in an unborn baby.

This was discovered on the tests that were done on him a couple of hours ago. (I also had more EKGs and my ECHO cardiogram and am still waiting for the results of those.) The doctors are running a bunch of tests to see how/why our baby has heart block. It could have been brought on by the meds I am on; it could have been brought on by anti-bodies in my own body "attacking" the baby; it could just be the way God made him. The tests will either rule in our out the first two possibilities.

But heart block is not reversible. There is "nothing that can be done." MckMuffin will have, at least, advanced second-degree heart block for as long as he lives. There is no going back, and there is little that can be done to keep it from progressing, but the doctors will try what they can. First, they need to determine, if they can, why he has heart block. If they can, they can eliminate that factor and at least hope to stop the progression.

His heart block was not detected two weeks ago, but it is "highly likely" that he had it then. It is likely that is what led to his PAC's and likely what caused his tiny heart to go into tachycardia. Now that his heart has slowed down (too much, actually, and his is in what is known as bradycardia....too slow of a heart beat), and a thorough scan could be done, the heart block was seen.

Heart block is when the atria, which are supposed to control the beating of the heart, are not getting the message to the ventricles, who do the pumping of the blood to the rest of the body.

MckMuffin's heart block is nearly complete. Yet, every now and then, the ventricles do get the message from the atria. But, mostly they don't. They are beating almost completely independently. If the ventricles keep beating independently, and beating strong and fast, MckMuffin will survive the pregnancy. If they get slower and slower--which is often the case as heart block progresses--he will not survive.

The fact that MckMuffin is just shy of 24 weeks along is not in his favor. The doctors who met with me told me that "this will be a very difficult case to decide upon a treatment." They are, as I type this, consulting with other specialists about what to do. Steroids have been known to sometimes help with the halting of the progression of heart block, but they pose serious risks to the baby, as the doctors told me. "Neurological damage and...other not-so-good side effects," he told me. I have not yet thought to ask if taking MckMuffin out early will be an option. Outside the womb, a heart with heart block with bradycardia can be helped with a pacemaker.

I am on my knees crying and begging you to pray for us. Do not pity me, though. I am in the hands of our Father! I trust Him and He is good! But please, please pray for wisdom for the doctors, to decide upon what to do for MckMuffin. Please, please pray that MckMuffin's ventricles would start beating well on their own, since they are not getting much help from the atria. Please, please pray for me that I would cling to Jesus. Please, please pray for Prince Charming, that he would do the same. He does not handle stress like I do and, to be honest, I do not know exactly where he is at with this, but I know that this is hitting him hard and not coming at an easy time for us, anyway.

And, please, please, know that even now, God is good!!!